Human
by jobecky
Summary: This is the sequel to 'Say Something'. Deeks left the NCIS and went undercover for the LAPD. You don't necessarily need to read 'Say something' but it could maybe help you to understand some actions of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

_So here we are…the sequel to 'Say something'. So many of you favored, followed and reviewed it and asked to write more because they wanted to know what's going to happen to Deeks and the rest of the team. Honestly I hadn't thought about writing more than this one shot but then I added a second chapter and realized I want to write more. Well this sequel begins a few months after 'Say something' ends so I thought it's better to start a new story. I already have rough storyline but need to definitely work it out what could take some time.  
Also I'm looking for a beta reader right know because my english isn't THAT good. But I'm brave enough to give you a little bit so you know what you can expect.  
I know it's not much but I hope you like it._

* * *

It was three in the morning and he wasn't sure why he was standing in front of this house. It was dangerous and he knew it. The darkness and quiet of the night comforted him. It made him calm down and a little bit relax. After a deep breath he walked to the dark house where a happy family was sleeping to destroy this peaceful time at least for one person of the family. He ringed at the door and waited. And realized what he had done.  
No he couldn't do it, it could destroy everything he worked for. His hands gotten sweaty, his breathing heavier and he could hear the blood rushing in his ear. The beginning of a panic attack. Pictures of the last months flashing through his mind, causing tears rising in his eyes and blurring his view. He turned away to go, to stop himself from a mistake when he hears a well-known voice call out his name.  
"Deeks?" Sam asked confused. "Is that you?"  
Deeks voice was shaking when he answered "I-I'm s-sorry I shouldn't h-have come. I-I just g-go."  
"Wait it's like three in the morning, you ring me out of the bed, I haven't seen or heard from you in months and then you just want to go." Sam couldn't wrap his head around what was happening in the middle of the night in front of his house. But when he looked closer he saw something that really worried him.  
Marty Deeks' standing there in the middle of the night with his whole body shaking. One hand covering his mouth and the other in his windswept hair, tears were slowly running down his face that was covered with bruises. He knew something was wrong, something must have happen, something that broke Deeks.


	2. Meet Jonas

_OMG! Thank you for all your support!_  
_I'll try to upload at least once a week and I hope that the chapters going to be longer._  
_I hope you like the new one :)_

* * *

_A few months ago_

His new alias was Jonas Conroy. Jonas looks like a bad boy but had a soft center. Right now he was standing at a bar in a club called 'Underground' checking the people out. Deeks had the whole day to create his new alias and to study his target person David Smith. He was a smuggler of guns and drugs and they heard rumors that he could have something to do with child prostitution. The LAPD and CIA were trying to catch him for a long time now without succeeds. Detective Bates was actually happy to hear that Deeks was coming back because even so no one of the LAPD liked Deeks he was the best undercover cop and this was probably the reason now one liked him.  
Bates gave him a file with all information they had on David what wasn't very much. Summed up you could say that David Smith was 39 years old good looking, a criminal, gay and owns the club 'Underground'. And in this club Deeks was right now as his alias Jonas Conroy. He wore a black leather jacket, a dark red t-shirt a used-looked jeans and black boots. And as a highlighter just a little bit black eyeliner which looked great with his blue eyes. He was sure he was looking pretty good because at least eight women tried to get his phone number or wanted to dance with him.  
He just finished his rum-coke when the bartender put a new on in front of him.  
"It's on the house." He said pointing behind Deeks.  
When he turned around he could see David Smith sitting on a table between two guys who were probably his bodyguards.  
He nodded in his direction with a smile to thank him for the drink. Now was the time for some action he thought to himself.  
Drinking it all at once he put his glass down and moved to the dance floor. He began to listen to the music, starting to move his body. He took care of always being in David's sight. Getting lost in the beats of Pitbull's 'Timber' he moved his body and his hips were trading a lot of attention on him. Women and men were looking at him in a way that said: I want to have sex with this guy! But he wasn't interested because he just wanted David attention. So he danced ignoring the other people around him while he winked at David. After one more drink and a lot of dancing he walked over to David's table. When he came closer both bodyguards wanted to stop him but David said something to them that wasn't loud enough to hear for Deeks. He passed the bodyguards, stopping behind David, leaning down and whispered in his ear: "See you next time."  
He started to walk away just to be stopped by David's voice.  
"What's your name?".  
"Jonas".


	3. Reunion?

Thanks again for all you support it means a lot to me!  
I kind of forgot to mention in the last chapter that it was a kind of flashback. So I'm sorry and I hope you're not confused I already edited it. So the first chapter was in the present, the second a few months earlier and the third one is again in the present.  
Well here is the new chapter. I hope you like it!

* * *

_Present_

Before he opened his eyes he could hear multiple voices. He was laying on something soft and warm so it couldn't be at David's but where was he then. Slowly he remembered the last night how he ran away, running to Sam. Apparently he also slept at his house.  
"Hey there sleepy head. Time to get up and play." said a young and happy voice.  
Deeks knew this voice. Jasmine was Sam's daughter and a real sweetheart.  
"And what if I don't want to get up?" he asked playfully.  
"Then I'm going to tickle you so long till Daddy says stop and you know that he's never saying stop when it comes to you." She said in a seriously tone and he knew that she would exactly do what she threatened.  
So he opened his eyes just to see the young girl leaning over the back of the couch smiling at him knowing that she had won. He slowly sat up trying to move only parts of his body that didn't hurt too much relieved that she didn't mention the bruises on his face.  
"It's sooo long ago that you were here. So what are we going to do today? Are we climbing on the tree again or to you want to give me more surf lessons?" asked Jasmine enthusiastic jumping up and down.  
"What if we do something that isn't so exhausting. You know Uncle Marty is old and today he's feels even a little bit older than usual. What if we go in the garden we can draw something and then I can make you one of my fascinating hairstyles. I know you love it when I work my magic on your hair." He said with a smirk.  
"But you also know that there are always a lot of knots in my hair after you've done something to them Marty. But you could try to braid my hair that should be easy enough for you." She said smiling and sticking out her tongue.  
"Oh no you didn't just say something against my hair styling technique?!" Deeks exclaimed getting up and hunting Jasmine out of the house in the garden where he catch her and swirled her around while she was screaming in excitement.  
After he let her down he realized the hunting and swirling around was definitely a bad idea because his lungs, his ribs and every single muscle burnt like hell.  
"Oh girl" He sighed slowly sitting down on the grass. "Didn't I say nothing exhausting? I feel like I'm 200 hundred years old."  
"Well if you're 200 hundred years old than you still looking pretty." Jasmin said in an innocent voice sitting next to him.  
"Oh doesn't let that hear your dad. He'll never let me see you again." Deeks laughed. "So braiding hair how does it work?"  
After Jasmin patiently explained how the Detective had to braid her hair she told him all about what he had missed while he was gone. She had a fight with her best friend but by now their best friends again. She was second best of her class and there was this boy in school that was really cute.  
"But you have to swear that you not going to tell Daddy about him. He's going to want to meet him and be sooo embarrassing."  
"Your secret is safe with me but you have to promise something to me too ok? Never change who you are because of a boy. Don't do something because you think it would be cool or impress him. And never do something if you don't really want to do it? Just stay who you are, the sweet little girl. And if he ever says something bad to you or about you just call me and I'll come to help my little princess as the knight in shining armor. You know that you can tell me everything and I'm never telling anything of it your Daddy."  
"OK I promise. Are you ready with the braid?"  
"Nearly, just a little bit longer."  
"Are you looking forward to see Callen and the others again?" she said clapping her hands on her mouth.  
"Wait…what?" asked Deeks confused.  
"Oh no I think it should have been a surprise…Callen and the rest of the team are coming and I think it's because of you. I overheard Daddy when he said that you don't know about them coming so I thought they wanted to surprise you because they haven't seen you in such a long time. They should be here by now." Jasmin explained sounding kind of sad at the thought that she ruined the surprise that her parents had planned.  
"Oh sweetie it's not your fault. It's ok. I'm not going to tell anyone that you told me. OK?"  
"Thanks" She felt still kind of bad.  
"So our braid is ready. And I think I am a natural at braiding hair. Maybe I should look for another job." He was actually pretty proud of himself. "Is it ok if you wait out here for a minute? I just have to go in for a moment to talk to the others about some boring stuff."  
"Ok but be sure to look like you're surprised to see them." Jasmine said while going to sit down on a chair at the desk on the terrace and starting to draw something.  
When Deeks went in he wasn't sure what he was going to expect. While walking slowly through the living room he could hear multiple voices from the kitchen. Was he ready to meet them? He could just run away. It would probably take some time till they realized it. But what would he do then? Where would he go? Why had Sam to call the team? He hasn't seen them months. He doesn't even work with them anymore and still the first thing after he came to him and Michelle was calling the team. What had Sam told them? How weak he looked? That he got beaten up and he wasn't able to defense himself and running instead to him? There it was again. The feeling that he couldn't trust anyone. That everyone's going to betray him once he feels he could trust them.  
"I already told you I don't really know what happened to him or on what undercover mission he was. I just can tell you that he showed up at like three in the morning nearly breaking down. He was definitely beaten up. But he didn't want to say anything when…"  
"When you asked me after you told me that everything is going to stay between you, me and Michelle?" Deeks interrupted Sam, entering the kitchen and drawing all eyes on him.  
Silent. All eyes were on him, starring shocked but no one dared to break the silent. The silent that can make you feel relaxed or stressed. And right now it really stressed Deeks because he couldn't read the minds of the other people in the room. He didn't know what they were thinking. Hetty, Michelle, Callen, Sam, Kensi and...JACK. Deeks thought he was dreaming. He knew that he would be replaced but out of all it had to be Jack? That wasn't even funny anymore.


	4. The Beginning

I'm sorry that this chapter is a little bit late but I was visiting my grandparents and because they have no Internet I couldn't upload this chapter.  
I want to thank again ALL the people who reviewed, followed or favourited my story.  
Hope you like the new chapter :)

* * *

"How are you Mr. Deeks?"  
Of course Hetty was the first one who broke the silent. If anyone would have asked him how he was he would have said that he's fine. But when Hetty asked you something it's different. The question has more meaning and she's able to look right through every lie. So yeah how does he feel? Angry, sad, hurt, weak, used, dirty, desperate and tired. Most of all he was tired from all the shit that happened to him, that hurt him deep inside.  
He realized that he hadn't said anything and still everyone was staring at him unsecure waiting for his answer. And that was the moment he saw it. The pity in their eyes. Since he was young he hated it when someone pitied him because that made him feel incredible weak and now it was just the same.  
"Since you wouldn't believe me when I would say 'fine' I'm going with 'I'm ok'." He tried to joke but knew they wouldn't buy his smile or joke.  
"So you were talking about me?" He asked  
No answer.  
"Oh you know what? I just go out again so you can talk behind my back again." Deeks was getting angry.  
"Deeks you know…" began Callen.  
"You want to know what I know? I know that you're here because Sam called you after I stayed at his house. And I know the looks you give me. You think I'm going to break down any moment that I'm going to fall apart in front of you. That I am weak. You don't even know what you should say to me. If I wanted your help I would have come to you. But I came to Sam and Michelle because last night I needed a place to sleep. But I can see my decisions aren't good enough when you don't even think of asking if I'm ok with the team coming over. I should better go." He said still angry but at the same time scared. Scared that they see how unsecure he is. On his way out he stopped to say bye to Jasmine who were still drawing in the garden.  
"Hey sweetheart I'm sorry but I already have to go."  
"Why? You just came and we could do so much more." She whined.  
"I know and I'm really sorry but your dad and I had a kind of disagreement. Do you remember Eric? The guy with the glasses, who was surfing with us? I'm staying with him but you can't tell that your daddy ok?"  
"Oh but can I come to visit you? Eric was really funny." She smiled.  
"Of course I'm going to call you in the next days and then we can meet and play and maybe Monty could come too. What do you think?"  
"Oh yeah please! And Eric and Nell could come too."  
"I have to ask them first sweetie maybe they already have plans. I'm going to see you soon. Love you and remember what you promised me." With that and a kiss on her head he was leaving the garden.  
The team plus Hetty and Michelle were standing in the door to the garden and had watched the interaction between Jasmine and Deeks. Suddenly Jasmine spun around stepping towards the adults just to stop in front of them with her hands on her hips.  
"What have you done?" She sounded kind of angry.  
"What are you talking about Jas?" Sam asked confused about Jasmines behavior.  
"Marty was angry and he said he had a disagreement with you. And you have this look that you always have when you've done something wrong or made mommy angry." She explained.  
"You are really clever for your age little girl." said Hetty with a smirk on her face.  
"Ok I have called the team behind his back and he didn't like it." admitted Sam.  
"Is doing something behind someone's back just as bad as breaking a promise?"  
"Yeah it's just as bad as breaking a promise."

_At Erik's  
__  
_Erik's house was smaller and directly at the beach. That was one of the things the two guys shared. They loved the sea and to surf in the morning. When the sun was just about to rise to welcome a new day it was the perfect time to surf. He always loved the beach because he always got this feeling that he was free. That there were no boundaries holding him back.  
That's the reason he decided to sit down in the sand and to just watch the sea. At this part of the beach weren't so many people who he was really glad for at the moment. He was finally able to relax. To let everything fall off his shoulders and to let the tears stream down his face.  
He wasn't sure for how long he was sitting there until he noticed that someone was sitting down beside him. Eric didn't look at him.  
He just sat down and said "It's nice to see you again. You wanna go out there with a board to chill?"  
"Yeah that would be great. You're coming too?"  
"If you want to"  
"Yes"  
Just a few minutes later the two guys had put on some swimsuits in Erik's house and now were sitting on their boards, floating on the sea and looking at the horizon.  
"I know you want to ask questions Erik. It's nice that you try to act like everything is normal but we both know it's not. So what do you want to know?"  
"Why don't you tell me how it all started? If that's ok for you." He asked hesitantly.

"It was just a normal undercover mission…until it got out of control. My target was David Smith. The LAPD hadn't had much information about him or his work but they knew that there was a lot going on. Since I reassigned at NCIS they had the chance to brief me the next morning. They were really happy that they got me back and didn't have to fight with Hetty about me anymore."  
At this thought both guys had to laugh because they knew by heart that Hetty would win nearly every fight or discussion.  
"I created an alias and met him the same night. From the little information we had we knew that he was gay so the idea was that I would try to get his attention and to start some kind of relationship with him to get near to him. So I went to his club and enjoyed myself and was kind of surprised to find out that he got an eye on me. I got some drinks on the house and he watched me dancing. That was all for the first weeks. I've gone to the club at least once a week, he got me drinks, I danced and from time to time we had a little small talk but not more. It was the fifth or sixth week when he made a move. I just wanted to leave the club and was going over to him to say goodbye when he grabbed my arm and pulled me in a corner beside him, pressed me against the wall and kissed me. It's not like it was my first kiss from a men it was just that I was a little bit overwhelmed from his sudden move. So this kiss leaded to a little make out session but nothing to heavy and he was rather happy to see that he marked me at the end."  
With the last sentence Deeks put his hand on his neck like he could still feel it. Eric wasn't sure what to do. Deeks just told him the beginning of everything and he was already shocked from what he heard. Of course he wasn't an agent and he had never done an undercover mission so he couldn't know if that was Deeks said was normal or not for a mission. But he was sure that it was enough for tonight since Deeks looked kind of exhausted and worn out from talking and the sun was setting so it was getting chilly on the water.  
"Why don't we get inside? We can put on some warm clothes and I could make us something to eat." He asked hesitantly.  
"What…Oh yeah that sounds nice"


	5. Going back

Hey everybody :)  
First i want o apology because I haven't uploaded a new chapter. Since last week I'm in Australia. I'm here for a year of work and travel and because of that the last week was pretty stressful and I wasn't able to upload something. I try to upload like I said at the beginning one time the week but I hope You can understand when there's a week with no new chapter.  
I have to say I'm not quite happy with this chapter because of all the time jumps but I tried my best.  
Hope you still like it!

* * *

Half an hour later Eric and Deeks were both showered and had put some fresh clothes on. Because Deeks didn't have anything with him Eric had borrowed him a pair of short and shirt. Just as Deeks came down the stairs Eric dialed a number at the phone.  
"I'm just calling Nell. She wanted to come around this night but we see each other at work anyway so it's no big deal when she not coming tonight."  
"What no. You don't have to cancel her. I mean I'm the one intruding. It's no problem if she's coming around. I'm sure she already knows that I'm back so yeah why should she be the only one who's not seeing me?"  
"Ok then I'm not calling her. You can be a surprise. Oh by the way the team already called me before we talked when I saw you sitting outside but I kind of told them that I don't know where you were because I was sure that if you run away from them you have your reasons and I wouldn't be able to stop them coming here."  
"Thanks Eric. That's really nice of you. Should we start to cook something so it's ready when Nell's coming?"

Another hour later they finished the cooking and just this moment the doorbell rang.  
"Hey Nell, how are you?"  
"I'm good. Is there a reason why I don't get a kiss from you?" Nell asked suspicious.  
"So you two are finally together?" Deeks asked from the kitchen.  
"Oh my god! Is that who I think it is?!"  
"This is the awesome and unique Marty Deeks my ladies and gentlemen." He said with a wide smile on his face while Nell ran to him just to throw his arms around his body and give him a big hug which was pretty strong for a small person.  
"Ah god…You have to be a little bit careful these days."  
"What are you doing here? Where were you? What happened to your face? Does the rest of the team know that you're here? What have you done all the time? I mean we know you were on an undercover mission but…"  
"Wow baby you have to calm down a little bit." Eric said grinning with an arm around her shoulders.  
"I think you won't believe me if I say I'm just here because I missed you right?" Deeks joked "Well actually the team knows that I'm back but not that I'm staying at Eric's at least not now. I think it's just a matter of time. I don't really want to tell you too much about the mission cause I have to go back as soon as possible but…"  
"Wait. You want to go back?" Erik asked.  
"I don't want to I have to. That's a difference Erik. It's my job to finish this mission so yeah I'm going back tomorrow."  
"But let us keep an eye on you this time. Just Nell and me. We won't tell the team but I want to know that you're safe this time." Erik was nearly pleading.  
"I think about it ok?"

The night was short for Erik and Deeks. Nell has gone home late, Deeks woke up multiple times screaming and Erik lay awake nearly the whole night worrying about Deeks.  
"Deeks, please. It's just a little bug. No one is going to see it but I know that everything is ok and when you are in trouble you can let me know."  
"Erik I know what bugs are for. But believe me I don't need one. I just need to go back because he will not be happy about me not being there." Deeks tried to explain.  
"Ok if you say so. I can't force you to anything."  
"You already place a bug somewhere in my clothes, am I right?" Deeks said with a small smile. He knew Erik and how much he cared for people and that he would do anything in his power to keep them safe.  
"Maybe." Erik looked a little bit ashamed at the ground. "But I promise you that I'm not telling it anyone…well ok maybe Nell but just her because she knows me too good. And maybe Hetty but only if she's going to stare at me with this look that says If-you-don't-tell-me-what's-going-on-I'm-going-to-use-my-ninja-skills-to-find-it-out. So Nell and I are going to take care that she doesn't notice anything."  
"It's ok Erik. I know you just want to help me. I have to go now. See you soon."

When he arrived at David's house he was nervous. He knew David would be angry with him. He just disappeared without saying a word. The question was how angry he would be. He slowly walked towards the entry just to be greeted by a bodyguard. Michael was one of the bigger bodyguards and Deeks knew that he didn't like him.  
"Look who's here. David's going to be happy to see you again." Michael said with a dirty smirk on his face.  
"He's in the office?"  
"Yes."

At the same time Erik was already in the operation center. He had called Nell on his way to tell her that they were able to keep an eye or at least an ear on Deeks and they would be able to know where he was. He had put an ear piece in his ear so he was able to work but listen to Deeks the same time. Just a few minutes after Deeks arrived at David's house he listened up. He could hear a dark and smooth bass voice talking with Deeks. Well actually he was yelling at him. As fast as he could he gave Nell another earpiece so she could listening too.  
"What were you thinking? You know you're not allowed to leave the house without saying me and then you weren't coming back for the night. Where were you? Having fun with someone else? With some prostitute?".  
"No! David you know I would never do something like that. You're the only guy I can ever think about. I wouldn't be able to be with someone else." Deeks said with a pleading and lightly trembling voice. Both, Eric and Nell could hear the fear in his voice. A fear so strong they never heard before in the voice of their colleague or any of their colleagues.  
The next thing they heard was a slapping noise and right after that a hissing sound of Deeks.  
"You know you mean a lot to me but I have to punish you if you don't follow the rules. It's your mistake so you have to pay for it. But believe me this isn't fun for me either. You have to know how much I care for you." The darker voice told Deeks.  
"I know David. I know that you care for me and that I'd made a mistake. I'm sorry and I promise it won't happen again. I'm really really sorry." Again his voice was trembling only stronger this time.  
For what happened next Erik and Nell weren't ready. They heard some rustling and moaning from Deeks followed by more groaning.

The first punch hit his cheekbone and he knew that his skin burst open. The following ones were all placed in his stomach. After a few seconds he wasn't able to stand on his feet and fall on his knees. David continued with a few kicks before he turned him on his back and climbed above from him. Deeks knew what was going to happen. It wasn't the first time but it wasn't like getting better easy to live through it. Every time he was just thinking of something good that was strong enough to pull his mind out of this awful situation and just left his body back in the reality. He often thought about the time in the past when his mother and he were happy together without his father. When he was just a little kid enjoying the life. And he even thought about Kensi a few times just to realize that he was still missing he pretty bad and that she wasn't going out of his head for the next few days. Sometimes it worked better sometimes not so good and right know it didn't work at all because he knew that the was a bug in his clothes and that Nell and Eric were listing. There was no way that he was able to stop them, to tell them that it wasn't the first time and that he would be able to go through this, that the team was the last one he wanted to come to rescue him. So he was just lying there on the ground with David on top of him who was opening his jeans. He closed his eyes trying to hold back the tears which were stinging in his eyes. Biting his lip to stop himself from crying and screaming because he knew that David would just love to hear how desperate Deeks was.


	6. Running

Out of nowhere there were a lot of noises, voices and people. David tried to get to his desk where his gun was but was stopped by a guy from the special task force. While more people were filling the room Deeks sat in the corner trying desperately putting his clothes back on. There were too many people he didn't know and who didn't need to know what happened to him. He just had pulled up his jeans and put on his cardigan while his torn shirt was still lying on the floor when he heard a voice saying that the special task force guys were allowed to clear the room. Of course he recognizes the voice. G Callen and he didn't even have to look up to know that the rest of the team was with him in this room. And then there was him. Sitting in the corner, beaten up, shaking from the adrenaline leaving his body and only half-dressed. He wrapped the cardigan as tight as possible around his upper body as if it would be able to hide everything. It was silly and he knew it but what else could he do? Standing up and going away wouldn't be so easy because one his whole body was hurting and shaking and two they wouldn't let him leave like this. It was kind of interesting to think about what they were thinking about him right now. Of course it would corroborate their opinions of him being weak.  
"Deeks can you hear me?" Sam's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.  
"What do you want?".  
"What about, we are here to help you and safe your life?".  
"There was no need to safe my life since it wasn't in danger. I was beaten up so what? In the end it's still MY undercover operation which YOU destroyed just a few minutes ago."  
"What?! We destroyed your undercover mission? Are you serious right now? We saved you damn life! That's what we did. He would have beaten you to death."  
"He wouldn't have beaten me to death. I know him longer than you do. I live with him and I knew he would be angry about my disappearing so I could prepare myself."  
"Wait. Are you saying this wasn't the first time? The bruises you had were from him beaten you up? What the hell is wrong with you that you're staying here?"  
Yeah what the hell was wrong with him? These few words hurt a lot more than expected. Because again his team or at least Callen's opinion was that something was his fault. That he did something wrong like always because no matter what Marty Deeks was never good enough for anyone or anything.  
"You know what? Fuck you! Fuck you all! I don't need you and I didn't call you for help." With these he stood up and was relieved that he was able to stand despite the pain and stormed out of the room as fast as he could.  
When he walked out the front door he stopped. There just a few meters away from him was David. He was handcuffed and two policemen were standing beside him but it didn't stop him from smiling devilish at him. He could still feel his hands on his body from a few minutes ago and a shiver ran over his back. Pictures and emotions were flashing through his mind. Deep in his thoughts he didn't notice his team coming out too and Sam reaching out his hand to put it on Deeks shoulder. The second it touched Deeks body he jumped away.  
"Don't touch me!" He yelled while turning around.  
"You have to know he doesn't like being touched." David said with a smirk on his face loud enough for everyone to hear.  
Being sure everyone was looking at him, wondering what that meant Deeks walked backwards looking around. He wanted to disappear, to sink in the ground. Wanted it all to end. Since this wasn't possible he did the best he could do and run away.  
When Sam, Callen and Kensi wanted to run after him Jack stepped in front of them.  
"You should let him some time to be alone. We should be able to find him later with Eric's bug."  
"Jack you don't know Deeks so…"  
"Yeah you're right I don't know Deeks but you don't really know him either right now. You don't know what he's been through the last months. But I know the look in his eyes. It was fear. He was scared of something and that really bad. I don't know what happened but I saw these looks before from soldiers in Iran and Afghanistan, from victims and hostages. And believe me they don't like it if you run after them."

Back in the operation room  
Eric, Nate and Nell were sitting in the HQ and listening to the happening.  
"Eric do you know have him on the map? We need to know where he goes to keep him save. Nell, do you know where Monty stays when Deeks is undercover?"  
"I think Monty's always at one of his neighbors. He said they have a little son who's always happy when they can take care of him. Why?"  
"Nate I think he's going to a hospital!"  
"Good. Eric, Nell you have to come with me. We'll bring Monty back to his Master and hope that's he going to calm Deeks down. Also I think he trusts you both more than the rest of the team."

"Excuse me. I need to see a doctor."  
"You have to fill this out, give it back to me and then you have to wait till a doctor comes to you." An annoyed nurse said to him.  
"I can't wait that long. I need to see a doctor immediately. " Deeks explained.  
"I'm sorry but this is how it works here. So please fill this out, give it back to me and sit down."  
"You don't understand. I was attacked…"but he wasn't able to end his sentence.  
"I'm sorry Sir if you think you have any right to be treated any other way than the people sitting here. I don't know what your problem is and I honestly don't want to know it. So could you please fill out this paper and sit down!"  
"I'm sorry" was all that he could get out before everything went black.

The first thing he noticed was a beeping. A loud annoying beeping he had heart too many times before to know that he was in a hospital with a monitor beside him so that the doctors and nurses knew that his heard was alright. Something else he noticed was that there was something heavy lying on his legs and keeping them warm. It was even weirder as he realized that, whatever it was, was breathing. The first attempt to open his eyes was a failure. But the second time he managed to open them slowly and even though his sight was blurry he knew that it was Monty on his legs. Closing his eyes again he clapped with one hand soft on his blanket and like expected his dog noticed the movement and began liking his hand. It was something that always had a calming effect on Deeks. Only when someone began to speak he realized that he wasn't alone in the room.  
"Deeks? How are you feeling?" Nate asked.  
"I had better days…did you bring Monty?"  
"Yeah I thought you would like to see him after such a long time. Nell and Eric were here too but I send them home to get some rest. And I also thought it would be better if the others weren't coming since the last few meetings didn't go so good."  
"Thanks…How does it come that I'm always in or just out of the hospital when we see each other? I think we should change that."  
"Yeah I think that would be nice."  
"So what happened? I remember that I came to the hospital myself and then?"  
"You lost conscious. I don't think you did it for purpose but that way you didn't have to wait like every other in the waiting room…which might be kind of good. They did a full check up on you and just told me the results because I was able to prove I'm your psychologist. I haven't told anybody else since I also have a pledge of secrecy. Do you want to know what they found?"  
Deeks was just able to nod his head because he wasn't sure if he would be able to get a word out while his emotions were already overwhelming him.  
"You have a lot of bruise all over your body in different healing stadiums, you have lost weight, long lacerations on your back, several cuts and scars, a few minor inner bleedings they took care of and they discovered that you had sex with another man and they believe that it wasn't a mutual agreement and that it happened more than one time and over several weeks." Nate said in a calm but sorrowful voice.  
"I think they found everything. And I rather don't want to talk about it right now." Deeks voice didn't show any emotion but even though his face was now turned away, Nate was able to see the tears and the hurtful expression on Deeks face.  
"I haven't expected you to talk about it. I'm just sitting here if that ok with you. In my opinion no one wants to be left alone in a hospital room. That also a reason why brought Monty. I was always fascinated by dogs and their ability to feel with human beings and to help them. It's proven that dogs or other animals can help patients to heal not only from their wounds but also from their traumatic experiences. Just them been there by the side of you can make you feel so much better and more grounded to the earth. You can talk to them being sure that they'll never tell someone else and they'll never sentence or disapprove with you. When I think about it I should get myself a dog."  
"Yeah, they're friends who will never turn their back on you or just leave and ignore you even though you saved their lives."


	7. Truth to be told

Hey :)  
Ooookey I know I was gone for a very looong time and I'm really sorry for that. I would promise that from now on I'm going to update like before one chapter per week but I'm afraid that would be a promise I wouldn't be able to hold...  
But I try to write more in my free time...that's something I promise!  
I hope you're still able to enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

The next time Deeks woke up he saw Jake sitting by his bed. As soon as he opened his eyes he had Jake's attention.  
"Hey I think I'm probably the last one you would expect but I hope it's ok that I'm here. It took me a while to talk Nate into it."  
"What do you want?"  
"To thank you."  
"What for?"  
"What for?! For saving my life but most of all for saving Kensi's life and for being such a good partner while I was gone. I definitely don't want to say that I know how you felt when she came back to me and believe me I wouldn't be able to be such a good guy as you are and just respect her decision..."  
"So you're saying I haven't fought for her? I haven't tried to show her how much I love her?"  
"No that's not what…"  
"I did everything for her! She told me about you. How you just left her because you weren't able to work out you PTSD. But I was there for her. I made her smile every single day. Yeah maybe it took some time till the things were worked out between us but we were both ready. We wanted to meet this evening to talk everything out but Hetty had to send her on this fucking mission, knowing that she would see you again. And of course she has to fall back in love with you in fucking Afghanistan while I was torturing an innocent blind old man just because I was so desperate to see her again. I gave all of me to save her, to get her back, the women I fall in love with, just so she can come back with the man who left her and she can ignore me. Yeah I'm pretty sure you don't know how that feels. I mean I think I'm the only one on this fucking planet that has so much luck in his life. I'm not even good enough for a fucking undercover mission."  
"I'm sorry…I know I don't deserve her."  
"Neither of us does."  
"You know that you're a pretty cool guy? I wish we would have met under other circumstances."  
"That would have been probably nice. What did you have to say to come in if Nate was against the team seeing me?" Deeks asked curiously.

_Earlier...  
"No. That my answer. You are not going in there. He's in a horrible condition. He's scared. He needs time to sort some things out and to rest." Nate said._  
_"Then let at least Kensi go in there. Deeks trusts her. He was her partner and yeah maybe he just left the team but he should know that she's not angry after she knows now what happened. He should know that not just Kensi but all of us are there for him." Callen tried to convince him._  
_"Does anybody of you know why he left?"_  
_"No we haven't seen him since so how should we know?"_  
_"It's just a guess but I would say it has something to do that Kensi and Jake are together now. I mean you cannot tell me that you haven't seen how he looked at her, how he acted around her, how much she means to him and that he would do everything for her…even go to Afghanistan to rescue her. But there he realized that no matter what he's doing it's not enough because after all this time there's still another man in her heart. Jack." the psychologist explained._  
_Sam, Callen and Jack turned to Kensi just to see her standing with her arms around her stomach and watery eyes._  
_"So it's my fault?" she asked with a shaky voice._  
_"No I didn't say that Kensi. But was there something like that?"_  
_"We wanted to talk. Talk about us because this whole 'thing' was messed up. And at that night I was sent to kill the white ghost. I realized that it's Jack and knew something must be wrong. I didn't realize it would turn out that bad if I let myself get caught. But we all survived and all these feelings for Jack were back. I couldn't help myself. I thought he died or I don't know and then there he's again. And that was all I cared about. He's back. So yeah I kind of ignored his messages when we were back home. I wasn't sure how to explain it to him. And after those two weeks he was gone."_  
_"You ignored him?!" Jack asked shocked._  
_"Jack I was so happy and relieved that I had you back I just couldn't…"_  
_"Couldn't what? Text him, call him, meet him? Believe me I was happy too but that doesn't mean that everyone felt that good. How would you feel if that would happen to you? I read the reports of the Afghanistan mission. I know what he did and what happened to him. He had at least to fight as strong as you. And after that been ignored...he saved all our lives. Because of him we are standing here and fighting. Because he was scared to lose you, and determined to find you. He broke all his rules, and probably went through hell and back. Especially after he and Sam were kidnapped. I love you Kensi, I really do, but what you did wasn't right." Jack ended in a softer tone._


	8. Update

Hello :)  
So I was gone for over a year and I'm extremely sorry for letting your wait. So just that you can maybe understand me a bit better in that last year happened sooo much…So like I mentioned before I was 9 months in Australia and experienced a lot, then I had to come back early because my father got sick and is now for more than half a year in a hospital and we have no idea how it's going to be in the future. And I also had to start a job and am working now for the last 4 months around 8 hours per day…So all of that just took away a lot of my attention from this story…I thought about it a few times and wanted to continue it but I just have to find my way back into the storyline and figure out what's supposed to happened next…  
I'm thinking about another story but I just want to figure out the idea a little bit more so I'm not starting it just to not end it again.

Yeah so that was a little update on what's going on...I promise I don't just forget this one just have a hard time with continuing it ;)


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